I have a lot of free time at work these days: I took the Winter term off from school, and the hotel is so slow right now that I'm surprised that the old place is still up and running. Anyhow, during one of my many "silently-reflective" moments, I began to sort-out the big question of why I don't seem to have a place in this modern society, specifically regarding dating & relationships.
At first, I thought, "I'm just not out there enough!", but then I realized that by "out", I must mean the bar, which is immediately depressing. Maybe I don't go to the right bars, but they all seem to be sad places where alcohol helps people forget about their miserable lives. I discarded the nightclub-absence idea, and pressed on. Within seconds, I had another thought: "Maybe I'm just not attractive enough!" This is the question that sparked my epiphany:
I don't fit into the dog-eat-dog competition of the dating pool, not because I am lacking in tools, but because I have an entirely different agenda.
My outlook on women was created partly by watching my parents interact, and partly by watching people my age interact. What I saw from my parents was entirely different from what I saw happening in the "real world". My parents never fought, they were never suspicious or jealous, and they never seemed to be unfulfilled.
My peers (boys & girls alike) cycled through one rocky, drama-filled relationship after another, the whole time feeling either jealous, hurt, angry, or sad, with the occasional sliver of excitement stuck in there. (By relationship, I mean what we all mean these days: "Playing Married"-living together, sleeping together, combining finances, the whole nine yards.)
Unlike many people today, I have no interest in pursuing a relationship based solely on looks. No one really admits that they got together with someone because of looks, but have you noticed how many people HATE their exes? If someone does something completely unexpected and horrible, the fact that you are surprised means that you probably didn't know him/her well enough, because if you did, you would've expected as much. I mean, you can't really get to know someone within a month, but by today's standards, that is plenty of time. Someone like me, who truly waits to make any move until he has real feelings about the PERSON (not the body), is left in the dust, because girls are so used to being pursued immediately.
Also, another point: How is someone like me (my beauty is inside more than out, I assume) supposed to stand a chance, when we have no time to show off our attractive personalities? It sounds so stupid even writing it, because NO one operates that way anymore. Girls who get enough of me to like me always want to be friends, because they instantly throw me into the friend bin when I don't hit on them during our first meeting. I don't hit on them upon meeting them, because I don't know them yet, but I give the wrong impression because the rules apply to me too, whether or not I'm playing the same game.
POINT-
The fact that American society has evolved into the divorce capital of the world (50% of 1st marriages end in divorce) doesn't seem to be alarming anyone, and getting to know and love a potential mate (not a potential fuck) has become about as common as winning the lottery for me. I've never won the lottery, but I have been in love once, and it was awful to be treated the same as all of the other dudes, who weren't in love at all (although I can't blame her, because she was only playing the game as she knew it.) I give up. The planet is way overpopulated, so breeding is less of a personal goal, and I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. I am, you just don't know me yet.
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